Mama probably seems like a very cheerful person.
She is always smiling, and she talks easily with our customers.
So when she once told me,
“I’m actually very shy.”
I thought she was joking.
And whenever I tell other people that Mama is shy, they usually laugh too.
But she really is shy.
From my point of view, that side of her actually feels much more like the real Mama.
There is something she has said for many years:
“Once you step outside your front door, you have to be an actor.”
So when she stands in the shop, she becomes “Mama.”
Of course she smiles when she is happy.
But even when something sad has happened,
or when she is feeling lonely,
she is not the kind of person who shows that face to other people.
Whatever is happening inside her, she smiles and says,
“Welcome.”
She has done that for years.
For decades.
But that doesn’t mean the Mama you see in the shop and the real Mama are two different people.
Not at all.
There is a Japanese candy called Kintaro-ame.
A little face is formed all the way through the candy, so wherever you cut it, the same face appears.
Mama sometimes reminds me of that.
Wherever you cut, she is still the same person.
Perhaps she simply cannot pretend to be something she isn’t.
Or perhaps she isn’t very good at changing herself depending on who she is talking to.
There are many times when I think,
“You could make life so much easier for yourself if you were just a little more skillful about these things.”
She worries too much about other people.
If she notices someone sitting alone, she cannot simply leave them alone.
Some people can walk into a group by themselves.
Others remain alone until somebody speaks to them.
Mama has always noticed those people.
She seems to look at them and think,
“Why don’t you come over here?”
She often tells me stories from her childhood.
On a school trip, the lunch her mother prepared for her was just two large rice balls.
They were wrapped in newspaper.
She was too embarrassed to open them in front of everyone else.
So she ate alone.
Some children made fun of her.
But there was a girl who stood up for her and said,
“Stop that.”
Mama once told me this story — one of those stories about the person behind the smiling Mama people see after she steps outside her front door.
Even now, she is grateful to that girl.
Someone once reached out a hand to Mama.
And now Mama reaches out her hand to someone else.
I don’t think Mama herself thinks about it this way.
But perhaps, without even realizing it, she is returning to other people something that once made her happy.
Something that once saved her from being alone.
And once Mama takes someone’s hand,
she doesn’t let go very easily.
Because of that, I think she sometimes gets hurt.
She is human, of course.
Sometimes she gets angry too.
And yet, the next day she will be saying,
“I wonder if they’re all right.”
Having been beside her for decades, there are times when I think,
“It’s enough now. You don’t have to worry about them anymore.”
But perhaps the fact that she is this kind of person is also one of the reasons I have been able to stay beside her for so many years.
Mama worries about someone.
Sometimes that brings her happiness.
Sometimes it makes her lonely.
Sometimes she gets hurt.
And when that happens, this time I support Mama.
Mama does the things I cannot do.
I do the things Mama cannot do.
That is how we have gone on together for decades.
And after all those years, I sometimes think that the people who have supported chiduru for a long time may have begun to see a small part of the Mama that I know.
Hmm…
Perhaps “see” isn’t quite the right word.
I think they feel it.
I hope I can continue standing beside her,
so that Mama can continue being Mama.
She is a beautiful woman, and she was very popular when she was younger.
Of course, both Mama and I are rather old models now… 😅
But that isn’t the point.
What I hope people will notice is something that cannot be understood just by looking at her.
Something that may not become visible after only one visit.
The kindness and warmth inside her that perhaps can only be understood after knowing her for a long time.
I hope the people who can feel that part of her
will feel it. 😊
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